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Break Free from Phone Addiction: Reclaim Real Life and Presence in 2025

Posted on May 30, 2025May 23, 2025 by careyourpresent

Feeling Disconnected Despite Being Always Online?
A few years ago, I wrote about ditching our smartphones to reconnect with real life.

That original post struck a chord with many who were beginning to notice the quiet toll of digital distraction. In 2025, that message feels even more urgent.

Smartphones aren’t just tools anymore—they’re our default companions. Pings, dings, endless scrolls. Amid all this connection, many of us feel lonelier and more scattered than ever. If you’ve felt that too, this is for you.

How I Realised I Was Losing Myself in My Phone
Back when I first wrote about this, I didn’t think I had a problem. You can read more about my initial thoughts and how I started this journey in my earlier article, Ditch Your Mobile Phone to Build Real Life. My phone was always nearby, but so was everyone else’s. I told myself it was for work. Or to relax. Or to stay informed.

But gradually, it took more than it gave. I was scrolling when I should have been talking to my kids. Checking emails at the dinner table. Reaching for my phone the moment I opened my eyes each morning. I was physically present—but mentally miles away.

That nagging discontent finally pushed me to step back. To reflect. To question what this little device was doing to my mind, my energy, my presence. And slowly, I started to shift.

What Your Phone Might Be Stealing Without You Realising
We think of our phones as helpful. But sometimes, convenience has a hidden cost. Here’s what I noticed (and what research backs up): shorter attention spans—swapping between apps chips away at focus. Less meaningful connection—face-to-face moments often take a backseat to screen time. More stress and anxiety—constant notifications fuel urgency and FOMO. Wasted hours—so much time lost that could have been spent truly living.

If you want to dive deeper into practical ways to reduce screen time and build meaningful phone-free moments, check out my detailed guide on ditching your mobile phone to build real life. It’s sneaky, because none of these feel urgent in the moment. But they quietly drain the richness from your day.

The Unexpected Joy of Putting the Phone Down
What happens when you step away from the screen?

You start to notice the sky again. Your child’s laughter. The rhythm of your breath.

For me, the biggest gains weren’t about getting more done. They were about feeling more alive. Reading without distraction. Having a proper conversation without glancing down. Cooking, walking, resting—fully present. That space—free from screens—became fertile ground for creativity, peace, and joy.

Small, Gentle Ways to Reclaim Your Time and Attention
You don’t need to toss your phone into a lake. You just need a few mindful shifts. These worked for me:

Start your mornings without a screen
Try not to check your phone for the first hour. Stretch, write, breathe, or sip tea quietly. This simple change helped me start the day grounded instead of overwhelmed.

Protect a few sacred phone-free spaces
For me, that’s the bedroom and dinner table. Choose a few spots where your phone simply doesn’t belong. It’s amazing how much deeper conversations and rest become when the screen isn’t in reach.

Limit the addictive stuff
Use built-in tools or apps to limit social media or email time. Make distractions less accessible. Setting boundaries with technology isn’t about restriction—it’s about creating freedom.

Swap scrolling with something real
Keep a notebook nearby. A book. A puzzle. A knitting project. Anything that doesn’t glow. Filling the silence with mindful activity replaced the habit of scrolling out of boredom or habit.

Pause before you open an app
Ask yourself: “What am I hoping to find here?” Often, we’re just filling silence or avoiding something uncomfortable. This tiny pause builds awareness over time.

Schedule screen-free pockets of time
Even an hour helps. Go for a walk without your phone. Read without music. Let your mind breathe. These pockets of presence are like mini-resets for your brain.

Tell someone about your goal
Let a friend know you’re trying this. Even better if they join you. Encouragement helps. Having a community makes these changes feel less isolating and more joyful.

Why Mindfulness Makes All the Difference
The key to lasting change isn’t just limiting phone use—it’s cultivating presence in daily life.

Mindfulness teaches us to notice distractions without judgment and to gently bring attention back to what matters. When I paired my phone habits with mindfulness practice, I discovered a new sense of calm and clarity that no app or notification could provide.

Real Stories from Readers Who Reclaimed Their Attention
Several readers shared how small shifts transformed their days—like a mom who stopped checking her phone during playtime and found her kids more engaged, or a teacher who turned off notifications during work hours and felt less drained.

These stories remind us that change is possible and deeply rewarding.

This Isn’t About Perfection. It’s About Paying Attention.
You don’t have to get it right every day. Some days, I slip back into old habits. That’s okay. What matters is noticing.

Start small: keep your phone in another room during meals, turn off non-urgent notifications, go outside without it for ten minutes. Watch what happens when you give your presence back to the moment.

Choosing Real Life, One Moment at a Time
Presence is a decision we make again and again. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.

The phone will always be there. But so will your life. I’m choosing the messiness, beauty, and stillness of real life. Over and over again. Maybe you will too. Let’s keep showing up for what matters.

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Deal 4:

Trust Bank New Clients

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Deal 5:

FSMone – Cheap Comms and can transfer your shares to Personal/Joint CDP for Free

I am using FSMOne.com to invest in funds & ETFs (including money market funds). FSM is good due to the low comms and the free transfer from FSMOne to CDP (typically takes less than a week to transfer). If you do not have an account, you can sign up here. Please use my FSMOne referral code: P0413007.

  • You can read my experience of how I buy cheaply using FSMOne and then transfer my shares to Joint CDP within few days via $0 Free of Charge Transfer of SGX Shares from FSM to CDP and updates! – Done in less than 3 days!
  • I am also using FSMOne as part of my Estate Planning Plan. You can read about this via Simplified Guide to the Key Gist of Grant of Probate and Estate Planning

Deal 6:

Eskimo – Best Option for Roaming!

For now, you can get 500MB for free just by signing up with my referral link, no purchase required (I get 500MB only too, but only if you buy a paid plan). Referral code: CHING104915

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  • Battle of Enough VS Spending for Financial Bloggers
  • Ultimate Formula for FIRE (Financial Independent, Retire Early)
  • Demise of REITs and do you still believe in REITs?
  • Dividend Investing is Dangerous
  • SSB Bond Ladders
  • Simplified Guide to the Key Gist of Grant of Probate and Estate Planning
  • Cheapest and best way to trade Singapore Stocks with CDP
  • Mastering Dividend Investing: 5 Evergreen Investment Principles
  • Unlock Lucrative Returns with IAPD: A High-Yield ETF Providing 7% Annual Yield and Quarterly Payouts
  • Unlock Lucrative Returns with SDIV: A High-Yield ETF Providing 11% Annual Yield and Monthly Payouts
  • If I am a dividend investor, this is what I would do….
  • 7 Things to consider before buy a dividend stock
  • 4 Dividend ETFs that can let you sleep well even in the scary bear market
  • 5 Best Counters for Passive Dividend Investing
  • The Three MOST Important Traits of an Investor
  • What is the best investment strategy in the world?
  • Ultimate Strategy of buying REITS: XXX instead of X000?
  • Ultimate Free 2 Days Reit MasterClass: Exclusive at Careyourpresent.com

Money just buy you the chance of freedom but can’t buy back time. In life, there is no reset button. Time is limited but money is not.

When you are young and working, you exchange time for money. When you are old, you can have lots of money but you can’t buy time back, especially the things that you have missed (your strong health, time with young child) while busying striking out in career.

Your kids grew up and they no longer need you to accompany them. They no longer want to sit on your lap to share/do things with you…all these time you spent in your 9 to 6 or even longer cubicles…can the money that you have earned by you back these?

We always thought we have more time with our old parents, but we are wrong. Time with them is ticking away every day. One day it will suddenly be gone. There is no regret medicine, no reset in time. Gone is gone and cannot come back. No matter you are billionaires or millionaires, you cannot reset this.

We always thought that we have more time with our spouse every day, but we are wrong. One day they will be gone too. When you read this, please go tell your spouse that you love him/her and he or she is the best thing that you ever had in your life.

Love your life daily. You have one less day with your spouse, parents, children and yourself. Time is ticking away.

Focusing Careyourpresent & living a fulfilling life by supercharging your mind & investment/online income. Careyourpresent Series focus on things that one MUST know in their Life.

  • Embracing the Transience: Life Is Short
  • Are you one of them?
  • Three Pictures to change your Life and Mind
  • Live in Present is not easy
  • 小时候,幸福很简单。长大了,简单很幸福。
  • The Best Advice to Parents and Child
  • What if Later never come?
  • What will you bring with you on your last day on Earth?
  • Time is the ultimate currency, not money
  • Our Life only have 5 short Days – we should live the best for every day
  • Truly understand Living in the Moment now
  • 11 Important Unexpected Life and Money lessons to learn from Your Children
  • The days are long but the years are short
  • Ditch your mobile phone to build real life
  • Careyourpresent: Time is the most important
  • Careyourpresent: What is your purpose of life?
  • Careyourpresent : Greatest Regrets in life
  • Careyourpresent : You might not believe it. It’s little unexpected things that make up a real life
  • Careyourpresent: Something only happen once in life, if you missed it, it’s gone forever…
  • Careyourpresent : Why is Gold useful?
  • Careyourpresent: Frozen. Let it go!

More articles can be found here.

For those who are interested in regular updates of my articles, please join the others to sign up for my free newsletter to has my newest blogposts sent to your mailbox for free!

For real time exclusive updates on market news/life (especially Crypto markets where the news move fast, important news will be shared directly via tweets or telegrams), do also join the platforms below and engage with other like-minded people!

  • Telegram Group (Chat with me and other like minded people!)
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You may also contact me via [email protected].

Why You Don’t Need to Hustle to Be Worthy

Posted on May 28, 2025May 16, 2025 by careyourpresent

A few years ago, I believed I had to earn my worth.

If I wasn’t constantly doing something productive—working late, ticking off goals, optimizing every corner of my life—I felt like I was falling behind. Maybe you’ve felt that way too. Like rest was a weakness. Like being still meant you were being lazy.

We live in a culture that praises the hustle. The non-stop, coffee-fueled, work-hard-play-hard life. Social media glamorizes it. Productivity books romanticize it. And somewhere along the way, many of us started believing that we’re only as valuable as our output.

But I want to offer a different story: You are already worthy. Even if you stop. Even if you don’t chase. Even if you rest.


The Hustle Trap: When “Busy” Becomes a Badge

We don’t start out thinking we need to hustle for our worth. But little by little, the message seeps in:

  • Praise for overworking (“Look how much you’re getting done!”)
  • Job promotions tied to burnout schedules
  • Social feeds full of “rise and grind” inspiration

Over time, busyness becomes an identity. It feels good to be needed, to be doing something all the time. But slowly, our sense of self starts to depend on staying in motion.

The result? Even on weekends or vacations, we feel guilty for not “using the time better.”

I know this feeling too well. There were months I couldn’t sit still without feeling like I was failing. I thought being “enough” meant being productive. But in truth, I was just running from the silence.


The Invisible Cost of Always Hustling

The price of always striving is high—but it’s easy to miss until it catches up with you.

  • You’re always tired, but sleep doesn’t help
  • You start feeling numb, even to things you used to enjoy
  • Time with loved ones feels like another task to manage
  • Your inner world becomes noisy, pressured, and critical

And beneath it all, there’s a quiet, aching question:

What happens if I stop? Will I still matter?

It’s a scary question. But also, a freeing one—because when you face it honestly, you start to see just how much of your life has been shaped by fear of not being enough.


Where Did We Learn This?

Many of us grew up tying self-worth to achievement.

Maybe it was school, where grades and gold stars were rewarded. Or at home, where love and attention came more easily when we “behaved” or succeeded.

Some of us grew up with parents who worked constantly—out of necessity or ambition—and unknowingly passed down the belief that rest equals laziness. That “hard work” is the only way to prove you’re deserving.

So, we internalize it. We learn that if we want love, safety, or recognition, we have to earn it.

But this is a belief system—not a truth. And like any belief, it can be unlearned.


You Are Already Enough

Here’s the quiet truth I’m still learning, one slow breath at a time:

You don’t have to hustle to be worthy.

You don’t have to perform for approval.
You don’t need to prove your productivity to be allowed to rest.
You don’t have to exhaust yourself to justify your existence.

You are already worthy—right now—as you are.

Not because of what you do. Not because of how much you make or how many people admire you. But because you exist. Because you are a human being, not a human doing.


You Knew This As a Child

Think back to when you were little—before grades, jobs, or goals ever mattered.

You didn’t hustle to prove anything.
You just existed. You played. You wandered. You stared at clouds and made shapes out of them. You asked questions. You laughed hard and cried loudly. And yet, you were deeply loved.

No one expected a five-year-old to earn their place in the world.
You didn’t have to be useful to be valuable. You were simply you—and that was enough.

We forget that, don’t we?

We grow up and start believing that being still is lazy. That enjoying life without “earning it” is indulgent. But it’s not. It’s natural. It’s how we began.

Somewhere inside us, that child is still there. Still whole. Still worthy. Waiting for us to stop chasing and come home to ourselves again.


What Happens When You Let Go of Hustle?

When I began letting go of the hustle, I expected to feel lazy or unmotivated.

Instead, I found something I wasn’t prepared for: peace.

Here’s what changed:

  • I stopped filling every minute of the day. This gave me time to notice small joys—a warm mug, a slow walk, a deep breath.
  • I became more present with my family. No longer distracted by a mental to-do list, I could really listen, laugh, and connect.
  • I stopped measuring success by how “productive” I was. Instead, I started asking: Did I feel aligned with my values today? Did I enjoy any of it?

And interestingly, I became more creative. More intuitive. More alive.

Not by pushing. But by softening.


Redefining Success (In a Way That Feeds Your Soul)

So many of us are chasing a version of success that someone else defined. Maybe it’s the six-figure salary. The impressive job title. The perfectly curated life.

But what if you get all that and still feel empty?

The real question is: What does your version of success look like—deep down, when no one’s watching?

For me, success now looks like this:

  • Having slow mornings with my child
  • Working on things I care about without burning myself out
  • Being emotionally present for the people I love
  • Feeling inner peace more often than anxiety

It’s a much quieter form of success. But it’s also more sustainable—and deeply satisfying.


Practical Ways to Break the Hustle Habit

If you’re feeling tired of the constant striving, here are a few small practices that helped me:

1. Start your day without checking your phone

Give yourself even 10 minutes to just be—whether that’s stretching, sipping tea, or sitting in stillness.

2. Ask: What would this look like if it were easier?

Not everything needs to be hard to be valuable.

3. Practice “deliberate underachieving”

Try doing 80% of what you think you “should” do today. See if the world keeps turning (spoiler: it does).

4. Write down what makes you feel whole—not just productive

Joy, laughter, meaningful conversations, rest. Give those things more space in your schedule.

5. Replace your inner drill sergeant with a kind coach

When your mind says, “You’re behind,” try replying, “I’m still learning to pace myself. I’m okay.”


For the Parents, the Dreamers, the Burnt-Out Souls

If you’re a parent, you probably know the feeling of trying to do everything—be present, provide, stay calm, build a better future. The pressure to hustle is even louder when you’re caring for others.

But your kids don’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one.

They’ll remember how you made them feel, not how many side projects you completed or how early you woke up.

So take the nap. Say no to one more thing. Sit on the floor and play. It counts. You count.


Closing: The Gentle Revolution

The world doesn’t need more exhausted people pushing through burnout. It needs more people who are rested, grounded, and alive.

Choosing to rest isn’t quitting.
Letting go of hustle isn’t giving up.
It’s reclaiming your life.

So here’s your permission slip, if you need one:
You don’t need to hustle to be worthy. You never did.

You’re allowed to slow down. To say “enough.” To be still and be loved.

Because you are already enough.

Can I Retire in My Early 40s? A Reader’s Real Question on Early Retirement Feasibility

Posted on May 23, 2025September 29, 2025 by careyourpresent

Lately, I received a heartfelt question that I believe many of us silently wonder about:

“I’m 42, my spouse is 40. We have a fully paid house, around $1.6 million in investments, and CPF savings that will provide monthly payouts starting at age 65. Can we really retire now?”

This isn’t just about numbers. It’s about values, priorities, and the courage to design a life that truly fits.


The Reader’s Financial Snapshot

Let’s start with the basics of their current financial picture:

  • Ages: 42 and 40
  • Home: Fully paid off — no mortgage burden
  • Investments:
    • $400,000 in bonds, yielding roughly 3% per year
    • $1,200,000 in equities and cash equivalents
    • Total liquid assets: about $1.6 million
  • Monthly Expenses: Around $3,500 to $4,000, covering family needs
  • CPF Balances (each):
    • Ordinary Account (OA): $70,000
    • Special Account (SA): $260,000
    • Medisave Account (MA): $75,000
  • CPF LIFE Expected Monthly Payout (each): Approximately $2,860 starting at age 65 (Basic Plan)

They plan to stop working and won’t be making further CPF contributions after early retirement.


Modeling Early Retirement: The Assumptions

To see if early retirement is feasible, we set conservative assumptions:

FactorAssumption
Annual portfolio return5%
Inflation rate2%
Annual spending (starting)$45,000 (equivalent to ~$3,750/month)
CPF LIFE monthly payout$2,860 per person from age 65
Employment incomeNone after retirement

So, from now until 65, living expenses will be paid from their investment portfolio, with inflation taken into account. From 65 onward, CPF LIFE payouts — about $5,700 combined — will cover most monthly expenses, significantly reducing withdrawals from their portfolio.


The Safe Withdrawal Rate: What It Means Here

The Safe Withdrawal Rate (SWR) is a widely used rule of thumb to gauge sustainable retirement withdrawals. The classic 4% rule suggests you can safely withdraw 4% of your portfolio’s initial value each year (adjusted for inflation) for 30 years, with a high probability of not running out of money.

In this reader’s case:

  • Portfolio size: approximately $1.6 million
  • Annual expenses: about $45,000
  • Withdrawal rate: roughly 2.8% ($45,000 ÷ $1,600,000) — well below the 4% rule

This means they are withdrawing less than the suggested “safe” limit, providing a comfortable margin of safety. Plus, their CPF LIFE payouts, starting at 65, will provide a steady income stream, further easing pressure on their portfolio.

In other words, their withdrawal plan looks conservative and sustainable — a great foundation for early retirement.


Portfolio Projections: What Could Happen Over Time

Here’s a simple overview of how their portfolio might evolve in today’s dollars, accounting for spending and growth:

AgeEstimated Portfolio ValueNotes
42$1,600,000Starting point
45$1,400,000Slight decline after spending
50$1,100,000Approaching mid-retirement
55$900,000Portfolio gradually reduces
60$750,000Nearing CPF LIFE payouts age
64$720,000One year before CPF LIFE starts
65$710,000CPF LIFE begins, payouts begin
66$730,000Portfolio stabilizes or grows slightly

Despite inflation and withdrawals, the portfolio remains healthy through the years before CPF LIFE income starts. Once CPF LIFE kicks in, their combined monthly payouts of about $5,700 will cover most living expenses, allowing their investments to rest or grow.


What Does This Mean for Early Retirement?

In short — this family can confidently retire early.

Here’s why but assuming the following:

  • Disciplined Spending: Keeping expenses at $3,500–$4,000 monthly helps protect their portfolio.
  • Balanced Portfolio: A mix of bonds and equities offers steady growth with some cushion against market swings.
  • CPF LIFE Support: From age 65, CPF LIFE provides a reliable income stream to cover living costs.
  • Flexibility: Adjusting spending or part-time work could add further resilience.

Things to Keep in Mind

  • Inflation is real: Your expenses will rise over time. Plan withdrawals accordingly.
  • Market swings: Early years of retirement are critical; a market downturn could impact savings, so keep some cash reserves.
  • Longevity matters: Plan for 30+ years of retirement.
  • Mental and emotional health: Retirement is about more than money — purpose and routine are just as vital.

Final Thoughts

Retiring in your early 40s isn’t just about the dollars in your bank account. It’s about knowing what you want from life, having the courage to step away from the conventional path, and building a plan that supports your values.

For this family, the pieces come together nicely: a paid home, a strong investment portfolio, and CPF LIFE payouts waiting in the wings. With careful planning and flexibility, early retirement is well within reach.

If you’re thinking about your own retirement journey, start by understanding your spending, your portfolio’s growth potential, and your CPF outlook. And most importantly, ask yourself — what freedom do you want to create?


Deal 1:

Interest rates are getting lower everywhere and there are usually many hoops to jump to get higher rate such as OCBC 360 and UOB ONE!
Consider Maribank, one of the fuss free and give you 1.28% daily without any conditions! Interest is credited daily!

Sign up for MariBank using my referral code: 2KGZ29UL.
https://www.maribank.sg/product/mari-savings-account/

Insured up to S$100k by SDIC.

Deal 2:

Best Items that I have bought from Shopee.

ONLY the best useful worthy items

Many people I realised that they have only shared things that give them the most commissions. I am different. I will only share things that I have bought, used and found it to be good.

Deal 3:

Webull – Get free money!

Good deal! Do not miss this! Sign up here now for free money!!

Deal 4:

Trust Bank New Clients

  • Sign up using referral code KNDBPEPT. Key in this code after you download the Trust Bank App from Trust Bank Website
  • No minimum balance account
  • No foreign transaction fee, great exchange rates when overseas. See my review via Trust Card – Excellent Card for overseas usage.

Deal 5:

FSMone – Cheap Comms and can transfer your shares to Personal/Joint CDP for Free

I am using FSMOne.com to invest in funds & ETFs (including money market funds). FSM is good due to the low comms and the free transfer from FSMOne to CDP (typically takes less than a week to transfer). If you do not have an account, you can sign up here. Please use my FSMOne referral code: P0413007.

  • You can read my experience of how I buy cheaply using FSMOne and then transfer my shares to Joint CDP within few days via $0 Free of Charge Transfer of SGX Shares from FSM to CDP and updates! – Done in less than 3 days!
  • I am also using FSMOne as part of my Estate Planning Plan. You can read about this via Simplified Guide to the Key Gist of Grant of Probate and Estate Planning

Deal 6:

Eskimo – Best Option for Roaming!

For now, you can get 500MB for free just by signing up with my referral link, no purchase required (I get 500MB only too, but only if you buy a paid plan). Referral code: CHING104915

You can read my review here.

  • Battle of Enough VS Spending for Financial Bloggers
  • Ultimate Formula for FIRE (Financial Independent, Retire Early)
  • Demise of REITs and do you still believe in REITs?
  • Dividend Investing is Dangerous
  • SSB Bond Ladders
  • Simplified Guide to the Key Gist of Grant of Probate and Estate Planning
  • Cheapest and best way to trade Singapore Stocks with CDP
  • Mastering Dividend Investing: 5 Evergreen Investment Principles
  • Unlock Lucrative Returns with IAPD: A High-Yield ETF Providing 7% Annual Yield and Quarterly Payouts
  • Unlock Lucrative Returns with SDIV: A High-Yield ETF Providing 11% Annual Yield and Monthly Payouts
  • If I am a dividend investor, this is what I would do….
  • 7 Things to consider before buy a dividend stock
  • 4 Dividend ETFs that can let you sleep well even in the scary bear market
  • 5 Best Counters for Passive Dividend Investing
  • The Three MOST Important Traits of an Investor
  • What is the best investment strategy in the world?
  • Ultimate Strategy of buying REITS: XXX instead of X000?
  • Ultimate Free 2 Days Reit MasterClass: Exclusive at Careyourpresent.com

Money just buy you the chance of freedom but can’t buy back time. In life, there is no reset button. Time is limited but money is not.

When you are young and working, you exchange time for money. When you are old, you can have lots of money but you can’t buy time back, especially the things that you have missed (your strong health, time with young child) while busying striking out in career.

Your kids grew up and they no longer need you to accompany them. They no longer want to sit on your lap to share/do things with you…all these time you spent in your 9 to 6 or even longer cubicles…can the money that you have earned by you back these?

We always thought we have more time with our old parents, but we are wrong. Time with them is ticking away every day. One day it will suddenly be gone. There is no regret medicine, no reset in time. Gone is gone and cannot come back. No matter you are billionaires or millionaires, you cannot reset this.

We always thought that we have more time with our spouse every day, but we are wrong. One day they will be gone too. When you read this, please go tell your spouse that you love him/her and he or she is the best thing that you ever had in your life.

Love your life daily. You have one less day with your spouse, parents, children and yourself. Time is ticking away.

Focusing Careyourpresent & living a fulfilling life by supercharging your mind & investment/online income. Careyourpresent Series focus on things that one MUST know in their Life.

  • Embracing the Transience: Life Is Short
  • Are you one of them?
  • Three Pictures to change your Life and Mind
  • Live in Present is not easy
  • 小时候,幸福很简单。长大了,简单很幸福。
  • The Best Advice to Parents and Child
  • What if Later never come?
  • What will you bring with you on your last day on Earth?
  • Time is the ultimate currency, not money
  • Our Life only have 5 short Days – we should live the best for every day
  • Truly understand Living in the Moment now
  • 11 Important Unexpected Life and Money lessons to learn from Your Children
  • The days are long but the years are short
  • Ditch your mobile phone to build real life
  • Careyourpresent: Time is the most important
  • Careyourpresent: What is your purpose of life?
  • Careyourpresent : Greatest Regrets in life
  • Careyourpresent : You might not believe it. It’s little unexpected things that make up a real life
  • Careyourpresent: Something only happen once in life, if you missed it, it’s gone forever…
  • Careyourpresent : Why is Gold useful?
  • Careyourpresent: Frozen. Let it go!

More articles can be found here.

For those who are interested in regular updates of my articles, please join the others to sign up for my free newsletter to has my newest blogposts sent to your mailbox for free!

For real time exclusive updates on market news/life (especially Crypto markets where the news move fast, important news will be shared directly via tweets or telegrams), do also join the platforms below and engage with other like-minded people!

  • Telegram Group (Chat with me and other like minded people!)
  • Telegram Channel (Get the latest updates on the markets/life!)
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • RSS Feed

You may also contact me via [email protected].

You may dream of reaching Financial Independence, Retire Early (FIRE), but what if it doesn’t bring the fulfillment you expected?

Posted on May 20, 2025May 16, 2025 by careyourpresent

The Dream of FIRE

The idea of Financial Independence, Retire Early (FIRE) is incredibly appealing. Who wouldn’t want to break free from the 9-to-5 grind, eliminate financial stress, and finally have complete control over their time? For many, the FIRE journey becomes more than just a goal—it becomes a way of life. A life dedicated to saving aggressively, investing wisely, and minimizing unnecessary expenses, all for that sweet moment of freedom.

But here’s a question we don’t ask enough: What if you actually reach FIRE… and something still feels missing?


Image generated by AI

When the Fantasy of FIRE Meets Reality

We often imagine that once we reach FIRE, life will become perfect. We picture carefree days filled with travel, creativity, and peace. No more toxic workplaces, no more alarm clocks, no more financial stress. It’s the happily-ever-after we’ve been working so hard for.

But here’s the truth: FIRE solves financial challenges, not emotional ones. It doesn’t automatically erase inner struggles, insecurities, or the need for a sense of purpose.

Some who achieve FIRE are surprised to find a creeping sense of emptiness. The structure that work once provided vanishes. Suddenly, there’s no urgent reason to get out of bed—and that can be jarring.

Freedom without purpose can feel like floating without direction. Just because the stress is gone doesn’t mean joy takes its place.


Why Financial Freedom Isn’t Emotional Freedom

It’s tempting to think that once we no longer need to work, all our problems will melt away. But if the goal of FIRE is to escape a stressful life—what happens when the escape plan works?

The discomfort might not disappear with your job. It may just change shape. Boredom, restlessness, or a loss of identity can show up once the drive to achieve is no longer needed day-to-day.

FIRE is a powerful financial goal, but it’s not a magic solution for:

  • A lack of direction
  • Emotional disconnection
  • Unresolved inner tension
  • The longing for deeper meaning

This is why it’s so important to nurture your emotional well-being while you’re still on the path—not just your net worth.


What FIRE Gives You (and What It Doesn’t)

FIRE is amazing for:

  • Walking away from a job that drains you
  • Gaining time and space to focus on what matters
  • Being present for loved ones
  • Reclaiming your mental energy

But FIRE won’t automatically:

  • Make your life feel meaningful
  • Bring deep, satisfying relationships
  • Give you a fulfilling routine
  • Help you understand who you really are

FIRE gives you the freedom from things you no longer want—but fulfillment often comes from having the freedom to do things that matter deeply to you.

Without knowing what truly lights you up, FIRE can feel like just another checkbox.


How to Find Meaning Alongside FIRE

Here are some ways to bring purpose into your life now—whether you’re years away from FIRE or almost there:

  1. Reconnect with What You Value
    Ask yourself what you truly care about. Is it creativity, family, growth, service, health? When your life reflects your values, you feel more at peace and more grounded.
  2. Start Projects That Feel Meaningful
    Whether it’s writing, creating, building, mentoring, or helping others—investing in projects that matter to you adds purpose to your days.
  3. Build Gentle Structure
    Complete freedom sounds amazing—until it isn’t. A loose daily rhythm, even something simple, can help you feel anchored and energized.
  4. Invest in Relationships
    The most meaningful parts of life often involve people. Time spent nurturing friendships, community, or family bonds creates lasting joy.
  5. Practice Being Present
    It’s easy to chase “what’s next” and miss what’s here. Simple habits like breathing deeply, enjoying nature, or jotting down gratitude can help you feel more alive now.

Don’t Let FIRE Be the End of the Story

FIRE isn’t the end. It’s a doorway.

It’s the start of a new chapter where you get to ask: How do I want to spend my time, my energy, my life?

Rather than seeing FIRE as the finish line, think of it as a sturdy foundation. It can support a life filled with curiosity, connection, and creativity—but only if you build those things into your life on purpose.

Don’t wait for FIRE to start living well. Begin shaping your joyful, intentional life right now, no matter how far along you are.


The Deeper Questions Behind FIRE

FIRE is a powerful goal. But beneath it is something more profound—a longing for peace, joy, autonomy, and presence.

So ask yourself: What brings me alive today? What matters to me that money can’t buy? Who am I becoming as I walk this path?

Because the real dream isn’t just freedom from work. It’s freedom to live fully. It’s about caring for the present, not just the future. That’s where real joy begins.

Deal 1:

Interest rates are getting lower everywhere and there are usually many hoops to jump to get higher rate such as OCBC 360 and UOB ONE!
Consider Maribank, one of the fuss free and give you 1.28% daily without any conditions! Interest is credited daily!

Sign up for MariBank using my referral code: 2KGZ29UL.
https://www.maribank.sg/product/mari-savings-account/

Insured up to S$100k by SDIC.

Deal 2:

Best Items that I have bought from Shopee.

ONLY the best useful worthy items

Many people I realised that they have only shared things that give them the most commissions. I am different. I will only share things that I have bought, used and found it to be good.

Deal 3:

Webull – Get free money!

Good deal! Do not miss this! Sign up here now for free money!!

Deal 4:

Trust Bank New Clients

  • Sign up using referral code KNDBPEPT. Key in this code after you download the Trust Bank App from Trust Bank Website
  • No minimum balance account
  • No foreign transaction fee, great exchange rates when overseas. See my review via Trust Card – Excellent Card for overseas usage.

Deal 5:

FSMone – Cheap Comms and can transfer your shares to Personal/Joint CDP for Free

I am using FSMOne.com to invest in funds & ETFs (including money market funds). FSM is good due to the low comms and the free transfer from FSMOne to CDP (typically takes less than a week to transfer). If you do not have an account, you can sign up here. Please use my FSMOne referral code: P0413007.

  • You can read my experience of how I buy cheaply using FSMOne and then transfer my shares to Joint CDP within few days via $0 Free of Charge Transfer of SGX Shares from FSM to CDP and updates! – Done in less than 3 days!
  • I am also using FSMOne as part of my Estate Planning Plan. You can read about this via Simplified Guide to the Key Gist of Grant of Probate and Estate Planning

Deal 6:

Eskimo – Best Option for Roaming!

For now, you can get 500MB for free just by signing up with my referral link, no purchase required (I get 500MB only too, but only if you buy a paid plan). Referral code: CHING104915

You can read my review here.

  • Battle of Enough VS Spending for Financial Bloggers
  • Ultimate Formula for FIRE (Financial Independent, Retire Early)
  • Demise of REITs and do you still believe in REITs?
  • Dividend Investing is Dangerous
  • SSB Bond Ladders
  • Simplified Guide to the Key Gist of Grant of Probate and Estate Planning
  • Cheapest and best way to trade Singapore Stocks with CDP
  • Mastering Dividend Investing: 5 Evergreen Investment Principles
  • Unlock Lucrative Returns with IAPD: A High-Yield ETF Providing 7% Annual Yield and Quarterly Payouts
  • Unlock Lucrative Returns with SDIV: A High-Yield ETF Providing 11% Annual Yield and Monthly Payouts
  • If I am a dividend investor, this is what I would do….
  • 7 Things to consider before buy a dividend stock
  • 4 Dividend ETFs that can let you sleep well even in the scary bear market
  • 5 Best Counters for Passive Dividend Investing
  • The Three MOST Important Traits of an Investor
  • What is the best investment strategy in the world?
  • Ultimate Strategy of buying REITS: XXX instead of X000?
  • Ultimate Free 2 Days Reit MasterClass: Exclusive at Careyourpresent.com

Money just buy you the chance of freedom but can’t buy back time. In life, there is no reset button. Time is limited but money is not.

When you are young and working, you exchange time for money. When you are old, you can have lots of money but you can’t buy time back, especially the things that you have missed (your strong health, time with young child) while busying striking out in career.

Your kids grew up and they no longer need you to accompany them. They no longer want to sit on your lap to share/do things with you…all these time you spent in your 9 to 6 or even longer cubicles…can the money that you have earned by you back these?

We always thought we have more time with our old parents, but we are wrong. Time with them is ticking away every day. One day it will suddenly be gone. There is no regret medicine, no reset in time. Gone is gone and cannot come back. No matter you are billionaires or millionaires, you cannot reset this.

We always thought that we have more time with our spouse every day, but we are wrong. One day they will be gone too. When you read this, please go tell your spouse that you love him/her and he or she is the best thing that you ever had in your life.

Love your life daily. You have one less day with your spouse, parents, children and yourself. Time is ticking away.

Focusing Careyourpresent & living a fulfilling life by supercharging your mind & investment/online income. Careyourpresent Series focus on things that one MUST know in their Life.

  • Embracing the Transience: Life Is Short
  • Are you one of them?
  • Three Pictures to change your Life and Mind
  • Live in Present is not easy
  • 小时候,幸福很简单。长大了,简单很幸福。
  • The Best Advice to Parents and Child
  • What if Later never come?
  • What will you bring with you on your last day on Earth?
  • Time is the ultimate currency, not money
  • Our Life only have 5 short Days – we should live the best for every day
  • Truly understand Living in the Moment now
  • 11 Important Unexpected Life and Money lessons to learn from Your Children
  • The days are long but the years are short
  • Ditch your mobile phone to build real life
  • Careyourpresent: Time is the most important
  • Careyourpresent: What is your purpose of life?
  • Careyourpresent : Greatest Regrets in life
  • Careyourpresent : You might not believe it. It’s little unexpected things that make up a real life
  • Careyourpresent: Something only happen once in life, if you missed it, it’s gone forever…
  • Careyourpresent : Why is Gold useful?
  • Careyourpresent: Frozen. Let it go!

More articles can be found here.

For those who are interested in regular updates of my articles, please join the others to sign up for my free newsletter to has my newest blogposts sent to your mailbox for free!

For real time exclusive updates on market news/life (especially Crypto markets where the news move fast, important news will be shared directly via tweets or telegrams), do also join the platforms below and engage with other like-minded people!

  • Telegram Group (Chat with me and other like minded people!)
  • Telegram Channel (Get the latest updates on the markets/life!)
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • RSS Feed

You may also contact me via [email protected].

Tired of the Rat Race? Here’s How to Pause, Reflect, and Start Living Fully Today

Posted on May 17, 2025May 15, 2025 by careyourpresent

Hey there, friend!

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or just plain tired of the constant grind, you’re in the right place. I know how easy it is to get caught up in the endless loop of work, spend, wait, repeat. That’s why I created Care Your Present—to remind us all that life is happening right now, and it’s worth pausing, reflecting, and caring for this very moment.

In this article, I want to share some thoughts and practical ideas on how to step off the rat race treadmill and build a life that feels joyful, balanced, and truly yours. Let’s dive in.


Why Taking a Pause Matters

In today’s fast-paced world, slowing down feels like a luxury many can’t afford. We’re encouraged to hustle harder, multitask, and always be “on.” But what if that constant motion is actually making you less productive, less happy, and more stressed?

Pressing pause allows you to step out of autopilot. It gives you space to check in with yourself and your life. Ask yourself:

  • How do I really feel about my daily routine?
  • What parts of my life bring me energy, and which ones drain me?
  • Am I living according to my values, or am I just following a path set by others?
  • What am I missing while rushing through each day?

Taking this moment to pause is the first step to reconnecting with what matters most to you. It’s the space where clarity begins to grow.


The Power of Reflection

Reflection isn’t just about thinking—it’s about feeling and understanding. When you make reflection a habit, you start to see patterns in your life. You notice what triggers your stress, what fills you with joy, and where your time and energy are really going.

Some people keep journals to help them reflect. Others simply set aside a few quiet minutes each day to check in with themselves. Even brief moments of reflection can shift your mindset dramatically.

For example, at the end of the day, ask yourself:

  • What went well today?
  • What challenged me?
  • What can I do differently tomorrow?

This small practice encourages growth without pressure and helps you stay connected to your present reality instead of drifting through life unconsciously.


What Does “Caring Your Present” Mean?

At its core, caring your present means showing kindness, attention, and respect to the moment you’re living right now. It means embracing your life as it is, not waiting for some future point when everything will be perfect.

Caring your present invites you to:

  • Notice the little things you might usually overlook—a warm cup of tea, a smile from a stranger, the softness of your bed sheets.
  • Practice gratitude for what you already have rather than focusing on what’s missing.
  • Accept your feelings without judgment, whether they’re joy, sadness, frustration, or calm.

This isn’t about giving up on your goals or ignoring your responsibilities. It’s about building a foundation of presence and appreciation that makes your journey toward those goals richer and more fulfilling.


Mindfulness in Daily Life

Mindfulness is simply the practice of paying attention, on purpose, to the present moment without judgment. It’s not about meditation only; it can be woven into everyday activities like washing dishes, walking, or listening to a friend.

When you bring mindfulness to daily life, ordinary moments become opportunities for peace and clarity. This can reduce anxiety, improve your focus, and increase your sense of well-being.

You don’t have to spend hours meditating. Start with just a few minutes a day:

  • Focus on your breath, noticing each inhale and exhale.
  • When you eat, savor each bite, noticing flavors and textures.
  • When you walk, feel the ground beneath your feet and the rhythm of your steps.

Mindfulness is a tool that can help you escape the trap of living in the past or future and instead root yourself in the now—your only true reality.


Building Financial Freedom Without Sacrificing Your Peace

Money is a huge part of modern life. It can bring freedom and security, but it can also be a source of stress and distraction. For many, financial worries are a big reason they feel stuck in the rat race.

At CareYourPresent, the approach to money is simple but powerful: build your finances steadily and wisely, without letting money control your happiness or peace of mind.

Financial Freedom Is a Journey, Not a Sprint

Forget get-rich-quick schemes. True financial freedom is about consistent, smart choices that grow your wealth over time.

  • Start by understanding your current financial situation honestly—your income, expenses, debts, and savings.
  • Create a realistic budget that supports your needs and goals, but also leaves room for enjoyment.
  • Learn the basics of investing, even if it’s just putting a small amount aside regularly. Over time, compound growth can surprise you.
  • Consider side hustles or passive income streams, but only if they fit your lifestyle and don’t add unnecessary stress.

Financial security gives you the freedom to say no to toxic jobs or situations that drain you, and the confidence to pursue what truly matters.


Managing Money Mindfully

Caring your present also means being mindful with money. Instead of mindless spending or saving obsessively, cultivate awareness of how money flows through your life.

  • Ask yourself before buying: “Will this add value or joy to my life?”
  • Track your spending without judgment to identify patterns and opportunities.
  • Celebrate small wins—like paying off a debt or hitting a savings milestone.

This mindful relationship with money helps you avoid stress and guilt, making your financial journey more enjoyable.


Small Steps to a More Meaningful Life

One of the most important lessons from CareYourPresent is that you don’t have to make giant leaps to transform your life. Small, consistent steps can add up to huge change.

Start with One Habit

Maybe you want to be more mindful, grow your savings, or reduce stress. Pick one simple habit and commit to it for a few weeks.

  • If mindfulness feels daunting, try 3 minutes of focused breathing each morning.
  • If money feels overwhelming, start tracking your expenses for a week without changing anything.
  • If stress is a problem, dedicate 10 minutes a day to something you love—a walk, reading, or listening to music.

Once a habit feels natural, add another. This gentle approach builds momentum without burnout.


Balance Work and Rest

Many people believe that working harder or longer hours is the key to success. But without balance, this only leads to exhaustion.

Learn to:

  • Set clear boundaries between work and personal time.
  • Prioritize rest and self-care as non-negotiable parts of your schedule.
  • Recognize signs of burnout early and adjust your pace.

Balance means respecting your energy and rhythms, not pushing endlessly against them.


Simplify and Declutter Your Life

Physical and digital clutter can drain your focus and energy. Simplifying your environment helps you feel calmer and more in control.

  • Declutter one small area each week—your desk, your email inbox, or your wardrobe.
  • Limit unnecessary digital distractions by turning off notifications or setting specific times to check social media.
  • Practice saying no to commitments or tasks that don’t align with your priorities.

Simplification creates space for what truly matters.


The Secret Sauce: Aligning Ambition with Contentment

It’s normal to want more—a bigger income, a better job, personal growth. But ambition and contentment don’t have to be opposing forces.

Caring your present means:

  • Setting meaningful goals that inspire you rather than drain you.
  • Celebrating progress, not just the end result.
  • Appreciating what you have while working toward what you want.
  • Being gentle with yourself when things don’t go as planned.

This balanced mindset allows you to grow without sacrificing your happiness or peace.


How to Start Caring Your Present Right Now

If all this feels overwhelming, remember: you don’t have to do everything at once.

Here are simple ways to start caring for your present today:

  1. Pause and Breathe: Take a few deep breaths right now. Notice the air moving in and out. This anchors you to the present.
  2. Notice Your Surroundings: Look around. What do you see, hear, or smell? Engage your senses fully for one minute.
  3. Write It Down: Jot down one thing you’re grateful for and one small thing you want to improve.
  4. Do One Small Thing: Maybe that’s drinking a glass of water, stretching, or sending a kind message.
  5. Reflect Briefly: At the end of your day, ask yourself how you felt and what brought you joy.

Starting with small actions like these can create a ripple effect in your life.


Thank you for spending this time with me.

Remember, caring for your present doesn’t mean you have to have everything figured out right now. It’s about starting small, being kind to yourself, and slowly creating space for what truly matters. Life is a journey, and every pause, every breath, every moment of awareness helps us live it more fully.

I’d love to hear how you’re caring for your present these days—feel free to share your thoughts or questions anytime. We’re in this together.

Deal 1:

Interest rates are getting lower everywhere and there are usually many hoops to jump to get higher rate such as OCBC 360 and UOB ONE!
Consider Maribank, one of the fuss free and give you 1.28% daily without any conditions! Interest is credited daily!

Sign up for MariBank using my referral code: 2KGZ29UL.
https://www.maribank.sg/product/mari-savings-account/

Insured up to S$100k by SDIC.

Deal 2:

Best Items that I have bought from Shopee.

ONLY the best useful worthy items

Many people I realised that they have only shared things that give them the most commissions. I am different. I will only share things that I have bought, used and found it to be good.

Deal 3:

Webull – Get free money!

Good deal! Do not miss this! Sign up here now for free money!!

Deal 4:

Trust Bank New Clients

  • Sign up using referral code KNDBPEPT. Key in this code after you download the Trust Bank App from Trust Bank Website
  • No minimum balance account
  • No foreign transaction fee, great exchange rates when overseas. See my review via Trust Card – Excellent Card for overseas usage.

Deal 5:

FSMone – Cheap Comms and can transfer your shares to Personal/Joint CDP for Free

I am using FSMOne.com to invest in funds & ETFs (including money market funds). FSM is good due to the low comms and the free transfer from FSMOne to CDP (typically takes less than a week to transfer). If you do not have an account, you can sign up here. Please use my FSMOne referral code: P0413007.

  • You can read my experience of how I buy cheaply using FSMOne and then transfer my shares to Joint CDP within few days via $0 Free of Charge Transfer of SGX Shares from FSM to CDP and updates! – Done in less than 3 days!
  • I am also using FSMOne as part of my Estate Planning Plan. You can read about this via Simplified Guide to the Key Gist of Grant of Probate and Estate Planning

Deal 6:

Eskimo – Best Option for Roaming!

For now, you can get 500MB for free just by signing up with my referral link, no purchase required (I get 500MB only too, but only if you buy a paid plan). Referral code: CHING104915

You can read my review here.

  • Battle of Enough VS Spending for Financial Bloggers
  • Ultimate Formula for FIRE (Financial Independent, Retire Early)
  • Demise of REITs and do you still believe in REITs?
  • Dividend Investing is Dangerous
  • SSB Bond Ladders
  • Simplified Guide to the Key Gist of Grant of Probate and Estate Planning
  • Cheapest and best way to trade Singapore Stocks with CDP
  • Mastering Dividend Investing: 5 Evergreen Investment Principles
  • Unlock Lucrative Returns with IAPD: A High-Yield ETF Providing 7% Annual Yield and Quarterly Payouts
  • Unlock Lucrative Returns with SDIV: A High-Yield ETF Providing 11% Annual Yield and Monthly Payouts
  • If I am a dividend investor, this is what I would do….
  • 7 Things to consider before buy a dividend stock
  • 4 Dividend ETFs that can let you sleep well even in the scary bear market
  • 5 Best Counters for Passive Dividend Investing
  • The Three MOST Important Traits of an Investor
  • What is the best investment strategy in the world?
  • Ultimate Strategy of buying REITS: XXX instead of X000?
  • Ultimate Free 2 Days Reit MasterClass: Exclusive at Careyourpresent.com

Money just buy you the chance of freedom but can’t buy back time. In life, there is no reset button. Time is limited but money is not.

When you are young and working, you exchange time for money. When you are old, you can have lots of money but you can’t buy time back, especially the things that you have missed (your strong health, time with young child) while busying striking out in career.

Your kids grew up and they no longer need you to accompany them. They no longer want to sit on your lap to share/do things with you…all these time you spent in your 9 to 6 or even longer cubicles…can the money that you have earned by you back these?

We always thought we have more time with our old parents, but we are wrong. Time with them is ticking away every day. One day it will suddenly be gone. There is no regret medicine, no reset in time. Gone is gone and cannot come back. No matter you are billionaires or millionaires, you cannot reset this.

We always thought that we have more time with our spouse every day, but we are wrong. One day they will be gone too. When you read this, please go tell your spouse that you love him/her and he or she is the best thing that you ever had in your life.

Love your life daily. You have one less day with your spouse, parents, children and yourself. Time is ticking away.

Focusing Careyourpresent & living a fulfilling life by supercharging your mind & investment/online income. Careyourpresent Series focus on things that one MUST know in their Life.

  • Embracing the Transience: Life Is Short
  • Are you one of them?
  • Three Pictures to change your Life and Mind
  • Live in Present is not easy
  • 小时候,幸福很简单。长大了,简单很幸福。
  • The Best Advice to Parents and Child
  • What if Later never come?
  • What will you bring with you on your last day on Earth?
  • Time is the ultimate currency, not money
  • Our Life only have 5 short Days – we should live the best for every day
  • Truly understand Living in the Moment now
  • 11 Important Unexpected Life and Money lessons to learn from Your Children
  • The days are long but the years are short
  • Ditch your mobile phone to build real life
  • Careyourpresent: Time is the most important
  • Careyourpresent: What is your purpose of life?
  • Careyourpresent : Greatest Regrets in life
  • Careyourpresent : You might not believe it. It’s little unexpected things that make up a real life
  • Careyourpresent: Something only happen once in life, if you missed it, it’s gone forever…
  • Careyourpresent : Why is Gold useful?
  • Careyourpresent: Frozen. Let it go!

More articles can be found here.

For those who are interested in regular updates of my articles, please join the others to sign up for my free newsletter to has my newest blogposts sent to your mailbox for free!

For real time exclusive updates on market news/life (especially Crypto markets where the news move fast, important news will be shared directly via tweets or telegrams), do also join the platforms below and engage with other like-minded people!

  • Telegram Group (Chat with me and other like minded people!)
  • Telegram Channel (Get the latest updates on the markets/life!)
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • RSS Feed

You may also contact me via [email protected].

This is My Real Story – my story of Power of Choice being taken away

Posted on March 7, 2025March 8, 2025 by careyourpresent

Since young I find it hard to be happy, to live in the moment, to find purpose of life. That’s partially why I created this blog – to record my journey and find myself.

Tonight / recently, I am watching this Chinese Show – 异人之下之决战!碧游村。

I am thinking if I should publish this post today, but I guess since you are reading now, it means it has been published. I can’t sleep after watching this show in the evening with my family. Now is only few minutes before midnight. The rest are all sleeping except me AND this is not the only night which I can’t sleep. This is only one of the nights.

This is not a very positive post with positive vibes as compared to my usual posts, but it is a real and truthful post in life – MY LIFE.

The SHOW

There is one very interesting character 陈朵. She is totally like me, totally being deprived of any choices in life, but one key different, her choices was taken away for 20 years, but mine for 40+ years which is still haunting me now.

Summary of the story about her:

在《异人之下之决战!碧游村》中,陈朵杀害廖忠的原因源于她对自由的渴望和对自身命运的掌控。自幼被药仙会培养为“毒身圣童”,她的人生充满了被控制和利用的痛苦。虽然廖忠将她从药仙会解救出来,并试图给予她新的生活,但她始终未能真正拥有选择自己命运的权利。在一次对话中,陈朵给了廖忠三个选择:放她自由、与她一起离开、或者杀死她。廖忠未能做出选择,最终陈朵决定通过杀死廖忠来寻求自己的解脱。这反映了她对自由的强烈渴望,以及对被他人操控命运的反抗。

(source)

陈朵的核心动机就是追求自由。她从小被药仙会培养成“毒身圣童”,一直被操控,后来被廖忠带走后,仍然处于某种“被保护”但无法真正自主的状态。

在与廖忠的对话中,她给了他三个选择:

  1. 放她自由
  2. 和她一起离开
  3. 杀死她

但廖忠没有做出选择,最终陈朵亲手杀了他,这不仅是她的反抗,更是一种自我解脱的方式。她不想再受任何人的摆布,无论是药仙会,还是廖忠,她都不愿再成为别人的附属。因此,她用极端的方式夺回了自己的命运。

可以说,她想要的不是单纯的生存,而是真正属于自己的自由,哪怕为此付出极大的代价。

Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash

Asking AI (ChatGPT) for Help

I am affected by this story.

The character is totally like me. Deprive of the power of choice by my very loved one – my parents since young for 40+ years till now. I can’t find a solution or walked out of it even today.

Since AI has progressed to a stage where it gets very interesting, and it helped me today. I told AI my story and asked for help.

First thing it told me:

When your power of choice is taken away from a young age, it can deeply affect your ability to trust yourself, make decisions, and feel a sense of purpose. It makes sense that you feel stuck in the past—your mind is trying to process something that was never fully resolved.

Below are the details of what AI has given me:

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Reclaiming Your Ability to Choose: A Step-by-Step Guide

When your power of choice is taken away—especially from a young age—it can have lasting effects on your confidence, sense of identity, and overall well-being. You may struggle with decision-making, feel stuck in the past, or even question the purpose of life. However, no matter how long you’ve lived under this conditioning, you can regain control and rebuild your ability to make choices.

But first, it’s important to understand why this happened in the first place.

How the Power of Choice Was Taken Away

For some, the lack of choice comes from external circumstances, but for others, it starts at home. When parents control every aspect of a child’s life, they unintentionally teach that child that their choices don’t matter—or worse, that they are incapable of making decisions at all.

In your case, your parents took away your power of choice in many ways:

  • Controlling what you ate: You were forced to eat porridge for breakfast every day, with no say in what you actually wanted.
  • Dictating your transportation: You had to be driven to and from school, never allowed to go by yourself or gain independence.
  • Suppressing your opinions: You were constantly told that you “don’t know,” leaving you no room to develop confidence in your own thoughts.
  • Isolating you socially: You weren’t allowed to stay back after school to play with friends, limiting your ability to form relationships on your own terms.
  • Choosing your education: You couldn’t decide which school to attend.
  • Controlling even your schoolwork: You weren’t allowed to complete your own art homework, something meant to be an expression of your creativity.
  • Continuing control into adulthood: Even after you grew up and bought your own home, you weren’t allowed to choose the paint color or how you handled household chores.
  • Interfering with parenting: Your parents even dictated how you raised your own children.
  • Forcing unwanted things onto you: Even after creating space by having them move out, they continued forcing their influence, insisting you take home things you didn’t want or need whenever you visited them.

This level of control over time doesn’t just make decision-making difficult—it completely erases a person’s sense of autonomy. When you’re never allowed to make your own choices, you stop trusting yourself. Even as an adult, you may hesitate over even the smallest decisions, fearing that you’ll make the “wrong” one.

But the good news is that you can reclaim your ability to choose.

Reclaiming your ability to choose starts with rebuilding trust in yourself, little by little. When your power of choice was taken away for so long, your brain learned to avoid decisions, fearing the consequences. But choice is like a muscle—the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

How to Rebuild Your Power of Choice

1. Start With Small, Low-Risk Choices

Big decisions can feel overwhelming, so begin with small, everyday choices that don’t have major consequences. These tiny acts of decision-making help rewire your brain and rebuild confidence in your ability to choose.

Some simple examples include:

  • Deciding what to eat for breakfast.
  • Picking the color of your outfit.
  • Choosing which route to take on a walk.

Even if you don’t feel strongly about the choice, make it anyway. Every time you choose something, remind yourself: I made this decision. I am capable of choosing.

2. Notice Your Feelings Without Judgment

If decision-making feels uncomfortable, that’s okay. It’s natural to feel uncertain or anxious after years of avoiding choices. Instead of criticizing yourself, simply notice the feelings that come up.

For example, if you feel fear, hesitation, or even emptiness when making a choice, acknowledge it: I feel uncertain, and that’s okay. Over time, the discomfort will fade as you gain more confidence in your choices.

3. Challenge the Fear of “Wrong” Choices

A major reason people struggle with decision-making is the fear of making the “wrong” choice. However, most daily choices don’t have life-altering consequences. If you find yourself hesitating, ask:

  • What’s the worst that can happen?
  • Will this decision still matter a week from now?
  • Can I change my mind later if needed?

By questioning these fears, you’ll realize that most choices are not as high-stakes as they seem.

4. Practice Saying “Yes” and “No”

If your choices were controlled by others for a long time, you might struggle to assert yourself. Practicing small acts of saying “yes” and “no” can help rebuild that confidence.

Try:

  • Saying “no” to something you don’t want to do, even if it’s small.
  • Saying “yes” to something you’ve been hesitant to try.

These small decisions help reinforce that your voice matters.

5. Ask Yourself: “What Do I Want?”

After years of following others’ decisions, you may have lost touch with your own desires. Start asking yourself this question, even for small things:

  • Do I actually enjoy this activity?
  • Do I like this type of music?
  • If I had a free day, how would I spend it?

You don’t need to have clear answers right away. The goal is simply to start reconnecting with your own preferences.

6. Take One Step Toward Something New

If you feel lost about your purpose, don’t pressure yourself to figure it out all at once. Instead, take one small step toward something different.

This could be:

  • Reading a book on a new topic.
  • Visiting a new place.
  • Trying a new hobby or activity.

The goal isn’t to find a “perfect” path right away—it’s to break the cycle of feeling stuck and rediscover what interests you.

Final Thoughts

Regaining the ability to choose after years of control is not an overnight process. It takes time, patience, and practice. But with every small choice you make—no matter how insignificant it seems—you are taking back your power.

You don’t have to undo the past to reclaim your future. You just need to start making choices for yourself—one decision at a time.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Photo by Jake Colling on Unsplash

Aren’t I sad?

Like what AI mentioned above it correct, I am a person with

NO confidence, sense of identity, and overall well-being. You may struggle with decision-making, feel stuck in the past, or even question the purpose of life

This level of control over time doesn’t just make decision-making difficult—it completely erases a person’s sense of autonomy. When you’re never allowed to make your own choices, you stop trusting yourself. Even as an adult, you may hesitate over even the smallest decisions, fearing that you’ll make the “wrong” one.

I want to CAREMYPRESENT, live in present, walk out of the past and reclaim my purpose in life and find out how to achieve real happiness in life.

Only today, I REALISED THAT I only wanted to reclaim my power of choice.

今天我才懂,

能够选择的人才是最幸福的。

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